Passive Aggressive Love Letter

So here I am writing you a love letter at 12 in the morning

And it would appear that we are revisiting themes that we’ve been over quite so many times

For sure, your eyes are blue and sparkly and sure, your voice is soothing and quite angelic

But I am tired of this nonsense,

Yes I am tired of this bullshit


You told me on the phone you wanted me to come over to your room,

You said that quite suggestively and I knew that something was up

And when I opened your door all you wanted to do was have sex

All you cared for was some passionate love affair that you had envisioned in your mind

Where I was the big broad shouldered male

The prom king who would carry you into tomorrow’s midnight dream

And you were his tall hot girlfriend

But you had never envisioned that there was perhaps much more than that to human nature

You had never thought that I did not want to have sex with you, that I

Even though I found you extremely attractive,

Just wanted to talk to you all night and get to know who you are


I am writing this to tell you that we were never friends

And yes, I know that we were never meant to be friends, but do not dare to tell me that friendship doesn’t matter

For when I look at you I see all of you

And so does everyone else

There is nothing to you except what is seen

And how am I to have you if you’re in everyone’s eyes?

How am I so special if what I see of you is what everyone else does?

How are you to be mine, if you are everyone else’s?

I am writing to tell you, that I am tired of this life, that I do not think that I love you, and that I ever loved you

I am writing to tell you that we are through
For even though this is a love letter, I am writing it in contempt,

Even though this is a love letter, you are not the object of my adoration


That is correct, there is another, and she is my friend

I tell you she is my friend, and I may never sleep with her, but I’d rather have her than you

And she doesn’t have blonde hair or sparkly blue eyes; she doesn’t have blue hair and sparkly blond eyes

She is just a regular girl; she is quite the nerdy girl, and she is my friend


For I am sick of hearing about bands and make up and shoes and boys

Not that they do not matter

I believe that they matter

Except I cannot be with a girl who does not like harry potter

And you might be attractive baby but you’ve got nothing else going for you

And she not might be that hot, but when I hear her talk I hear words and not pretty sounds


And let me remind you that this is not my fault

Let me remind you that even though I am leaving you, you will make someone else happy

Someone who loves sex and loves ignoring what you say

But I can’t put up appearances anymore

I am sorry baby but I am leaving you


Love (but not for you),



2 Responses to “Passive Aggressive Love Letter”

  1. A girl who likes Harry Potter is a keeper!

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